My aunt and my uncle have both had problems with using drugs for quite a few years now. My uncle dosen’t think that he has a problem whereas my aunt knows that she does. She ran away from him after years of mental, emotional, and brutaly physical abuse to rehab. She won’t tell anyone where this facility was or what she did there. All she would say is that they helped her and that she admitted herself under a false name. Is that even possible? She is staying with my mother (her sister) now that she is out and she is having to hide from her husband because he is pissed off that she ran away. She wants a divorce from him but is doubtful that she will get it. The whole family needs advice about how we can help her and things to avoid or steer her clear of. Any advice will be appreciated. We truly do want her to succeed with her sobriety.
#1 by sungasaw on February 16, 2010 - 4:48 pm
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been there done that got a t-shirt to prove it, I am an alcoholic and drug addict been through the system for like 25 years but never got a thing out of it why? because I never admited that I had a problem and until you do you sit there and go through the motions but nothing goes to head nor heart, then my liver started to go last January and I was one drink away from placing myself on the liver list waiting for a donor, that did it! everything ever said to me came right back and even though I never attended another meeting I did quit everything, I knew what to do just refused to do it, I have been recovering for 18 months now and am feeling great, I even quit smoking cigs I figured might as well knock it all off at once, a drug addict or alcoholic who wants to quit can but first must admit they have a problem and no matter what others say to the person it does no good because the person remains in denial, oh and yes she can most certainly change her name first of all her maiden name is always and ever her legal name just because she married him has no bearing upon that she could call herself betsy ross if she wished remember its narcotics ANONYMUS also as far as the divorce goes what do you mean by she is doubtful she will get the divorce? all she has to do is show she made a change in her life through rehab and that he didnt and she dont want to jeopardize her life for his choices any longer and his best retort which actually is not worth the paper it is written on is “problem? I don’t have a problem” if you wish to speak further about this feel free to email me I stay up all night because Philippine nights are Americas days and I moved here from Pennsylvania to dasmarinas cavite, my email is murphys_soap@yahoo.com.
#2 by slinkey_ on February 16, 2010 - 7:28 pm
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I would recommend NA, and Al-Anon for the family. She may also benefit from Al-Anon – even though she’s a former user, she may also benefit from the widsom of Al-Anon. FYI – both programs are very spiritual.
Good luck.
#3 by bubblesl on February 17, 2010 - 12:36 am
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it’s a difficult one to answer.as a counselor i listen to people with addiction and most would love to have the unconditional support of their family,so i think your family are marvelous for trying to help.yes she could have used another name,the fact that she admitted she had a problem is a huge step,my advice would be to listen to her,support her where ever you can.do not keep anything she was addicted to in the house or where she can find it,during her darkest moments it will be easy for her to slip but harder if there is nothing readily to hand,find a self help group that handles abuse of all sorts,as they will know what she’s going through and can give you helpful advice and her invaluable support.i hope this helps.as for her abusive husband use the law.good luck
#4 by rebe1ga1 on February 17, 2010 - 5:30 am
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I understand totally,I just got divorced from a drug user and it’s not easy,I’ve been beat and hit by a car and almost killed by him.Here’s my advice for you,She might have to go through lot’s of consiling,and get her own life straight first,then file for a divorce.at legal aid.there are programs to help her do this she won’t even have to see him ever again.
#5 by Anonymous on February 17, 2010 - 10:59 am
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Yes it is possible for her to get admitted under a false name, depending on the place. The best way to help her is just be suportive, and listen if she needs to talk. The best way to keep the husband gone would be to talk to the police or go to a womens shelter that helps women that have been abused.
#6 by Z-Cat on February 17, 2010 - 3:35 pm
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Please stand by her with the utmost care & support. My mother was murdered by my step-dad, him being an alcoholic, and addict. We tried to get here to move in with us, she said he would follow. There is restraining orders. Please be by her side. There are safe houses which help recovering addicts, the do not tell anyone where she is. ( Mom wouldn’t go afraid of him finding her) I will sure pray for you & your family!
#7 by openpsyc on February 17, 2010 - 7:23 pm
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She must seek help from NA (the self help group). There is I think no other way since she has already gone through rehab once.
#8 by FlaChic on February 17, 2010 - 7:53 pm
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The best thing you can do……..Is Butt Out and stop trying to think you can “fix” these people. Who owns the problem? It is not you so it is not your job to solve this…..besides, you can’t. Go on with your life and learn from their mistakes.
#9 by stonegir on February 17, 2010 - 11:13 pm
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i had a problem with meth about four years ago and i can tell you one thing , you can’t help someone who doesn’t want help! She has to want to get help!
#10 by bridget j on February 18, 2010 - 4:25 am
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my suggestion is that she call the law, and tell them. she can get a divorce without him.